Friday, September 28, 2012

Tales from the back of the pack

So tonight I ran in my first ever cross country race as part of the Bull City Track Club women's team.  I knew going in that I would most likely finish last on my team, and just hoped I wouldn't be last overall (the other teams included college cross country B/JV teams, small college varsity teams, and a few other clubs).  

Long story short, I went out too fast and just didn't have the mental or physical strength to power through the tough parts. The course was (as expected) more challenging than the average road race, but really wasn't terrible.  I just couldn't will myself to keep pushing my pace when I felt bad/tired/winded.  My watch was a bit off because I didn't reset it after the warmup, but I finished in 21-something, and I think the average was somewhere close to a 7-minute mile but I'm really not sure.  So for me that is certainly not a terrible 5k, but it was frustrating to feel like I didn't represent my team with the best effort possible.   And to be honest, in comparison to my teammates I feel slow, fat, and lacking in mental toughness, and that is not an awesome feeling.  Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of things I am probably none of those things, and my teammates (and everyone I've met through the BCTC) are always very positive and supportive, but I am just a bit discouraged.  I am really thankful to Jason for giving me the opportunity to run this race and with the team in general, am grateful to my incredibly talented teammates for sharing their experiences, training tips, advice, etc; and I know that running with the BCTC has contributed to me becoming a better runner... but I really walked away from this one thinking "What the hell, why am I not getting faster?!" (though less polite language was used when talking to myself). UGH.  I am just hoping to have a solid 20 miler on Sunday, stay on track with the training, and come away from my next race (the ING Hartford Half Marathon) feeling much better than I do now. 

On a more positive note... We won!  

Huge congrats to Jennifer for the win, and to Rachel, Kristina, Bex, Alicia, and Ellen for great races.  Maybe one year I'll be able to contribute more to the team... I guess that will be yet another thing to work for!

Update: Official time 21:48; finished 29th/56. *sigh*

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